November 8, 2010

Beauty and the Beach

Magandang Hapon!!

Highlight of the week: found out I have the beach in our area so I definitely made us go to it yesterday :) Didn't think i loved the beach so much but when we walked over this little hill and I saw the water, my heart skipped a beat and I wanted so bad to just walk up and down it. Unfortunately being a missionary you are limited on time so we looked at it, took a couple pics and left....oh i could've sat there all day. I just can't get over how beautiful this area is....I am so amazed at the beauty, I mean come on, we have the beach, rice fields and the mountains....of coarse that just shows how stinken HUGE it is. It's pretty rough balancing our time and rides to different parts. If we go out to Sta Cruz were the bishop lives at night and get punted (the people we are going to teach aren't there) then we're stuck until the bishop can give us a ride home.

This week was one of the roughest weeks (aside from the first couple I was in the Philippines, nothing can beat that haha) I don't know what was up but it was challenging on many parts: emotionally, spiritually, physically. I'm glad it's over and hope this week is better. I am getting a little bit frustrated and impatient again with the language. Now that I don't have an American comp anymore I get worked up when I can't express my true feelings and don't feel like I am contributing to the companionship. It's hard having a senior again because I put myself in the junior position and lose confidence in myself being able to receive revelation for people or say the right thing or feel like the Spirit is working through me. Yesterday I about had it, we were fasting and got punted on every appointment that was supposed to be a new investigator so we walked and walked and walked and got rejected by everyone and the one lesson we did teach was next to the highway so every time I opened my mouth to say something a huge vehicle drove by and as if i didn't have it hard enough speaking the language, they couldn't hear me anyway. It was just not a good day, I was grumpy, frustrated, and impatient with everything. Not a good combo.

Then we went to our investigator who has a baptism date, grace...she is awesome!!! We had planned to teach about the spirit world but she asked about faith and if it helps you make good decisions. As I started to testify of a scripture in Moroni 7 about faith giving us power to do anything, I started to cry and realize how little faith I had at that point in the day. I doubted myself as a missionary, and ultimately Heavenly Father that He could make me what I needed to be. What happened there?? Why did I all of a sudden decide to do this on my own? Obviously that does no one any good. This morning I was reading Pres Erying's talk on diligence last conf. and one thing he said really stuck out to me and helped me have a wake up call: "out of love for His Father and for us, [Christ] allowed himself to suffer beyond the capacity of mortal man" why did He do it?? Because He loved the Father and He loves us. Therefore, He was able to suffer and endure His struggles. Why am I doing this? For myself or out of the love I have for the Lord and His children? It's easy to get wrapped up in what you are going through that you forget your central purpose and plan and goals. Tunnel vision is not good vision. There is so much more than what we are going through, and guess what, there are others going through things too. Wake up call for sure, thank you Heavenly Father.

So mom, funny story I keep forgetting to tell you, you'll love the Tagalog name for banana is saging, so one day sis Estrada said the name and sis McCormick was like "saging?! in America that's what we call old lady boobs!" It was hilarious. Um, I haven't met Elder Maughan, but I've heard of him! Yeah, this is the smallest and most ghetto mission I've Filipino wants to serve here lol, awesome. Good luck coco!!! I really hope you get the job and mom, you should totally work in the mall, i think that'd be fun! As far as the Negritos go, I think that is what that one amazon man was!! We saw him around everywhere and all he wore was a loin cloth!!! So funny, i wanted a picture!! Oh and yes, Kiki get contacts from Gingy, i will tell her that i need some and throw those in the package please!!!!Well, pretty short one this week sorry, there really wasn't much other than my self-centeredness that happened this week.....oh i did get to see fireflies for the first time in my cool and pretty!!!

Love you all very much, you are in my prayers!!

Ingat kayo,
sis Carroll

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